As a codependent we lose ourselves in a relationship, it is unaware that losing our self is the biggest disappointment. When the relationship ends inevitably, then it is destructive, because we are lost. We lack the autonomy because this work was not completed in adulthood. The struggle to achieve this is typical of sensory relationships. There are often electrical conflicts, which repeatedly, unsolved logic, either a recurring issue or many minor things. Many of them boast about who has control, whose needs will be fulfilled, or how intimate they are. Intimacy problems are a common symptom of codependency. Avoid intimacy, and when we open, vulnerability is a way of maintaining control and autonomy. We fear that proximity depends more on our partner and is exposed to decisions and injuries. These results are not necessary, but being vulnerable and dependent was unsafe to return to a painful or inactive childhood. Some people feel insecure in both relationships and outside. The more we threaten with proximity and autonomy, the more conflict becomes in the relationship.

How do we lose ourselves

We gradually lose ourselves in small unfinished ways. It can start with romance when it is normal to please our loved ones and spend most of our time together. However, emotionally mature adults do not leave their activities, leave their lives despite strong life charm (they have the life), or ignore their partner’s inappropriate behavior.


Stages of Codependency


Many codependents work fine on themselves, but once in the relationship, they hold the phase of Condondency. When “chemistry” happens, they ignore negative indicators that may be a warning to get involved. It is really true that our emptiness reduces our good emotions in our brain so that we want more than that medicine. We do not want to lose those good feelings. Therefore, we are dependent and dependent on our loved ones. The desire to please can cause passion, can refuse the behavior of our partner, and doubts about our own perceptions can be. Limitations have become blurred so that we do not set “no” or limit what we want to do or what we will accept with our partner. Not only this, what makes our partner feel and confusion between our emotions. We also feel responsible for them. If he is sad, then I am sad too – like Barry Manilow song goes. If he is angry, then it should be my mistake.

We are confused (or never really knew) what we believe, what our values and opinions are. We will not have taken this meditation until we become involved in a serious relationship. In the middle stage of the Codependency, we leave our hobbies, interests, friends, and sometimes relations with our relatives to live with our partner. Generally, we do it voluntarily at the beginning of the relationship, but later we can do so to comply with our partner’s wishes. Although our choices seem desirable or necessary, we are not conscious of the price we pay: our self!

The disease of “lost self”

This is the reason that Kodependencei is a “lost Self” disease. Since our identity is referred externally, we give priority to our relationship before ourselves, sometimes it will be normal, but repeatedly In important relationships, we are afraid of losing our relationship with others or give them approval. With our partner, we sacrifice ourselves in small and large ways – before the important concessions to leave a career, bite a relative, or participate in condoning or unethical behavior that seemed previously unimaginable.

Abusive relationship

When we are in an official relationship, the symptoms of the dependency increase, where the decisions revolve around the needs and rights of a person. This is an abusive relationship, where our partner makes a clear demand. When our partner is strong, it seems that we have to choose between ourselves and our relationship – we have to leave our self to keep it. We become invisible, not a separate person with independent needs and desires, we believe that we knew what they were. In order to please our companion and not to the waves, we give them the sacrifice and pile up their self

Healthy relationships

Healthy relationships depend on each other. Respect and take each other’s needs and feelings, and are capable of resolving the conflict through authentic communication. Decision and problem-solving are collaborative. Persistence is key. The conversation is not a game with zero money. The obstacles are expressed directly, without our hint, tampering or accepting our partner will read our mind. Neither security nor autonomy is threatened closely. The vulnerability really makes us strong, not weak. In fact, when we are maintaining our autonomy and limitations, we can become more intimate and weak.


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